No More Jokes
by goldeneyespitchblackshadows
Summary: Dipper finds the perfect way to apologise for upsetting Mabel. [Rated M for gore. Also mild Rev!Pinecest. Really crappy summary.]


**A/N I'm apparently on a roll with the rev!Pinecest, anyways this from a semi-AU where the twins are at prestigious boarding school and totally hate neon wearing 90's fashion disaster Pacifica and her mean girl sycophants. As always all mistakes are my own and the characters belong not to me but to Alex Hirsch.**

Mabel was still pissed at him. He really did know better than to make stupid jokes like that. Honestly the thought of Pacifica ever touching him had him shuddering in utter revulsion. Dipper knew that this was not something that Mabel would easily forgive, not something he could fix with shallow gifts and pretty words. He scrubbed his hand over his face, thinking about what Mabel wanted, something he could give to show her exactly how sorry he was. Not paying attention to where he was going, it really wasn't surprising that someone bumped into him. Sneer automatically snapping onto his face, he focused on the girl now sat on the floor in shock. One of Pacifica's minions. Dressed in the cheaper version of Pacifica's horrific clothes her look of indignation melted when she saw who it was. Truly their group infatuation with him was tedious at the best of times and infuriating to Mabel most of the time. Probably because they were petty enough to take out their frustration at his lack of interest in any of them out on Mabel. Truly locking someone in a cupboard was pathetically immature. [Although he did rather enjoy coming to his sister's rescue.]That was it! Letting the sneer fall from his face, he let his face become friendly and vaguely apologetic.

"Oh I do apologise, I wasn't paying any attention to where i was going." He said trying to keep the revulsion out of his voice.

"I-It's fine, I wasn't looking either." She stammered, eyes giving away her shock and awe and was that cunning he saw in there too? Perhaps this girl thought this was her chance to steal him away from Pacifica. Silly girl, you can't steal from Pacifica what Pacifica doesn't have.

"Are you alright? Do you need to go to the nurse's office? I could take you if you like, it's the least i could do after all." Dipper widened his eyes to complete the effect of looking concerned. He smirked to himself internally as the cunning flashed through her eyes again, so easily manipulated.

"I think i hurt my ankle. I think i should go get an ice pack for it." She whimpered unconvincingly.

"Here let me help." He offered her his hand to pull her to her feet, barely containing his flinch when she eagerly slid her hand into his, already clammy from excitement. "Can you walk?"

"No i don't think i can." She said as she fake stumbled when putting weight on her 'injured' ankle. Her timing was just a second too late. He could hear perfectly what Mabel would say if she could, having mastered the damsel in distress routine in seconds. Giving her yet another fake sympathetic smile he pulled her arm around his neck, making a mental note to shower rigorously before meeting Mabel. The girl would be fine alone for a few minutes whilst he showered and got Mabel, especially considering where he planned on putting her.

"Here you can lean on me."

"Thanks." She said with a grateful smile that didn't reach her eyes.

Progress to the nurse's office was slow as the girl [he still couldn't remember her name] clearly tried her hardest to drag out the time she got to cling to him. He almost cheered when they reached the familiar door. The girl beside him couldn't believe her luck when she saw that the office was empty, the nurse being off ill. Dipper helped her over to the examination table and helped her up before going off to find an ice pack, surreptitiously washing his hands with hand sanitizer. The girl hopped off the table and Dipper winced at the slap on her rubber soles on the linoleum but pretended not to hear her sneaking up behind him. Mentally bracing himself for the inevitable he turned round only to be pounced on. The girl crashed her lips against his and flung her arms around his neck. Stumbling slightly as he's underestimated her weight slightly, he held himself back, barely, from snapping her neck right there as she tried to force her tongue down his throat. Instead he brought a hand up to rip her off him painfully by the hair. Eyes glowing teal as she shrieked in pain, he caught her gaze.

"Sleep." He commanded dispassionately. She crumpled instantly, a few strands of her hair tearing away before he could let go of her hair properly. Shaking them from his hand with distaste, he lifted her from the floor with his magic and dumped her in the cupboard. Time to shower and then inform Mabel of his plan for this foolish girl.

Drying his hair after his shower, he deliberately didn't try to tame his curls, knowing that Mabel couldn't resist seeing his natural curls. Knocking on her door, he waited patiently for her to answer.

"Dipper go away i'm in no mood for anymore of your 'jokes.'" Mabel called from within her room.

"How about my gifts?" He called back. "I think you'll find this one quite satisfying." Reluctantly she opened the door.

"What is it?" She asked unable to keep the curiosity out of her voice.

"Follow me." He said with a grin.

"Dipper where are we going?" Mabel asked impatiently as they neared the nurse's office. "Dipper what are we doing at the nurse's office in the middle of the night?"

"Patience dear sister." Dipper whispered enigmatically. Rolling her eyes she followed him into the darkened office. Beckoning her over to where the girl was stashed in the cupboard he wrapped his arms around, ignoring how she stiffened slightly. "Now sweet sister." He whispered in her ear. "As much as we would love to dispose of Pacifica, it is regretfully not the time to do so. However i thought we could dispose of another annoyance. You decide how we dispose of said annoyance." Relaxing back into her brother's arms Mabel smirked.

"Who is in the cupboard brother dearest?"

"Why one of the sycophants that trails endlessly after her of course. I have only one request of you sweet sister."

"And what is that?" Mabel cocked her head curiously. Momentarily distracted by laying kisses along his sister's neck.

"I would very much like to rip out her despicable tongue." He murmured.

"Oh?"

"I did not appreciate her trying to force it down my throat." He seethed. Mabel proceeded to rip the door off it's hinges to reveal where the girl was crumpled on the floor. "Wake" Dipper called out quietly. The girl's eyes snapped wide and she opened her mouth to scream but was cut off as Mabel ripped her tongue from her mouth in a gout of blood. Dropping the tongue to the floor where Dipper set it alight as the girl watched in horror, tears streaming down her face, screams unable to be heard.

"You're forgiven dearest brother. But say such things again and it is your tongue i will rip out."

"Understood." Dipper growled as he pushed his sister back to the examination table and hoisted her up onto it before greedily pressing his lips to hers, both of them groaning at the contact as if it had been years since their last kiss not hours, the girl writhing on the floor forgotten.

"I don't think this is the most appropriate place brother dearest. This table is hardly the comfiest place." Mabel gasped as they broke apart.

"As you wish sweet sister." Dipper replied, equally breathless before picking her up to carry her to the door, joining their lips once more. Mabel ripped her lips from his once more.

"Forgetting something?" She teased, throwing a glance over his shoulder to the girl still silently screaming on the floor. Dipper raised a hand to snap her neck like he had wanted to earlier. "And the body?" Another wave of his hand and the body was alight as were the splatters of blood, reducing all the evidence to ash, which he swept up and dumped down the sink.

"Satisfied?" He asked impatiently.

"Not even close brother." She smirked before crashing her lips to his once more.


End file.
